My biggest stressor is money. I've known this for years. Moving to LA stresses me out, because, well, money. It's not the fear of not knowing anyone or being far away from my family - it's truly just the money. While living in Ohio however, despite it's ups and downs, is much cheaper in comparison. It's hard to put your dream on hold when you realize that the only thing holding you back in money...
Recently I started working for a company that has been slightly infuriating but allows me to learn new things all at the same time. What is so frustrating is how much I want to run on a deadline and come up with creative new ideas but coming into a new company, things have to be explained and when people aren't willing to explain, it leaves me feeling like I'm swimming upstream - a rocky upstream. I've had to observe the dynamic, be shot down multiple times and I realize now that what they brought me in to do, they might not actually be ready to do.
Also, being a straightforward person is really going to get me in trouble some day. Perhaps coming into a company it would be better to be sensitive and agile - especially to the bosses - but it's so hard when I can see so much potential and they are to stubborn to let me help. While the company thinks they are ready to change - they have rejected every idea I've thrown their way and have yet to come up with any new ideas of their own. It's not what I want to do with my life but it's something to get me started. Hell, it's really just to keep myself busy. And it's driving me nuts.
In many ways I can count my blessings though. I have a steady job where my (low) income is coming from - a restaurant - and I have found an amazing mentor who takes on projects just so that I can have the learning experience. I love that someone counts on me like she does and lets me have my freedom but doesn't belittle me or make me feel stupid for asking questions. She likes to say that this process is "baptism by fire" - and I love it. How else am I going to learn that this is something I want to do for the rest of my life?
As for LA, well, that's just one more thing to put on hold. But what I've realized is that putting a hold on moving doesn't mean putting a hold on living.
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